you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
