Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
