He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize