Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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