I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
