so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
