I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My dad is sitting where you rode me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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