after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I FOUND THE LEGS
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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