We won't sleep together?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
