Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
