When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
