are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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