I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
