Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
