In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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