you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The uberlube is also flammable
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
A+ Viking dick
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