I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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