know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
