the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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