A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
