Need sex. Gaining weight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
