He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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