She said her name was "party"
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
