Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
