Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
