i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
