It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
