Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
