i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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