Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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