grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
