Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
