i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you traded sex for a burrito?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
