I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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