We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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