You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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