How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
