Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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