just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
