Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
