now i know why i became what i already was.
pop tarts are not kleenex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize