I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
