Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize