It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
