Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
