and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Dignity is for republicans.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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