If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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