Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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