I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
