Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
