I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
