we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
