i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
