im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
