How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
