I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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