Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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