we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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