so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
