Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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