1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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