don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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