i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
being pregnant is like rehab
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
