omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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