Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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